I recently learned that people in Virginia - that’s people in general, certainly not every one of them - have a keen distaste for the state of Maryland and its contents. I don’t know why this is, much as I cannot explain to you why people from Michigan look south to Ohio with disdain, even though I myself hail from Michigan. In Ann Arbor, directions to Toledo are typically given as “South until you smell it, then east until you step in it.”
What I find more amusing, though, is the animosity between Virginia and West Virginia. I hear a lot about this, given that I have now lived in West Virginia and worked in Virginia for years. When Virginians hear that I live in West Virginia, they often have all manner of hilarious comments for me. I’m sometimes asked if I have a “yard car” or not (I don’t). Once, on a business conference call (yes, really) a woman who shall remain nameless (though who I’ll tell you I secretly referred to as “Scout Finch”, because that’s who she reminded me of) took a shot at West Virginia. I told her, as I’ve told others, “Being from the north, the thing I don’t understand is why you Virginians act like there’s some sort of a difference.” Clearly, this touched a nerve, because she shot back with some hostility, “There is a difference - we don’t chase our brothers and sisters around.” In a fit of quick thinking the likes of which I have experienced neither before nor since that moment, I replied “That’s only because they don’t run.”
She didn’t even try to recover. Someone tried to come to her aid with some dumb comment about ice fishing in Michigan that sort of fell flat, the awkward silence passed, and the world moved on.
You see, the thing is, I really work in Northern Virginia, most of the inhabitants of which it would seem consider themselves a completely separate state from not only West Virginia (which they are), but also from the rest of Virginia (which, of course, they are not). You will almost never hear anyone from Northern Virginia say they live in Virginia; they almost invariably will tell you they’re from Northern Virginia. But I remember in 5th grade having to learn all the states in alphabetical order - you know, for that song? - and I’m pretty certain there’s no Northern Virginia anywhere on it. Just plain old Virginia. In fact, there’s no Northern anything on the list. It goes straight from North Dakota to Ohio, with no stops in between.
When I think about Northern Virginia’s identity crisis, I’m both saddened and amused. Northern Virginia is like the south’s very own Quebec. If you’re not familiar, Quebec is the province of Canada where everyone speaks French, acts French, thinks of themselves as French, and looks down upon the rest of the country for not being as French as they are. As far as Quebec is concerned, they’re more French than they are Canadian. What they don’t seem to grasp, though, is that France doesn’t claim them. France will happily tell them they are, in fact, a bunch of Canadians in denial. Similarly, Northern Virginians seem to fancy themselves part of the north (hence the Northern).
Sadly, as a genuine, bona fide, dyed-in-the-wool, has-forgotten-more-about-being-cold-than-Northern-Virginians-will-ever-know northerner, I’m afraid I have some bad news. If you’re reading this and you’re from Northern Virgina, first, sorry for all the multi-syllabic words and complex sentence structures, and second: You’re southern. No, really. I know news like this is hard for you to hear, but you had to hear it. You are southern. The north does not claim you. Never has, never will. Our collective advice to you is to embrace your southern brethren before it’s too late and they refuse to take you back. You don’t want to be a land-locked island nation all on your own, do you? Probably not. You’ve got a pretty nice place here, actually. It would be a shame to see it wind up that way.
Besides, the only thing worse than a southern redneck is a southern redneck disguised in a 3-series BMW or Mercedes C-class. So embrace your southernness. Do what comes natural, whether it be buying a pickup truck with huge wheels and CB antennae tall enough to hit traffic lights as you pass beneath them, or wearing one of those tight tank-top style undershirts (commonly referred to as a “wife beater”) while you peruse the aisles of Wal-Mart in search of such trendy home decor items as Billy Bass, the singing fish. Go ahead, drink Budweiser from the can, I know you want to. Free yourselves from these senseless charades!
I mentioned that in addition to being saddened by the plight of the indigenous peoples of Northern Virginia, I’m also amused. It’s because - and it took me a while to realize this - their shots at West Virginia (which, by the way, is a real state separate from the rest of Virginia (lucky them); I looked it up) are really just self-deprecating humor. It used to bother me a little when Northern Virginians waxed disparagingly about the state I now live in (even though it’s not my home), but not now that I’ve realized they’re just lashing out at what they see in themselves like chickens attacking a mirror. Whenever a Northern Virginian asks me if I have a yard car yet, I know it’s because he secretly yearns for one of his own, and wishes to live vicariously through me. I also now realize this is why Scout Finch so vehemently reacted to my gentle suggestion that, from the viewpoint of real northerners, there’s not much difference between the hillbillies from West Virginia and the hillbillies from Virginia (nor those from Northern Virginia, since we’re on the subject).
I wonder if it was a brother or a sister she’d have chased after, if only they’d had the decency to run.
Northern Virginia could try to separate itself from the rest of Virginia because most people living there are transplants from other parts of the country. But, most of those transplants have historically been from the South while northerners tend to move to the Maryland suburbs that surround DC. Of course Maryland was also part of the Confederacy. :-)
I don’t think Northern Virginians call it “Northern” to deny they are from the South. I think it is the classic hatred between urban and rural areas. I grew up in Central New York and much of the population there would love to have nothing to do with NYC.
Tony
December 28th, 2007
Great observations! But you’re pretty new here, eh? It’s already far too late for Northern Virginia to be accepted back into the great state of Virginia. The “DC Area” got the boot generations ago for its pretentiousness. Ever since the earliest Beltway Bandits bought their first import cars, the children sprung from those back seats have earned their reputation as some of the most spoiled and overprivileged people this side of Beverly Hills. When I was doing the college party circuit between Blacksburg, Charlottesville, Harrisonburg, Farmville, and Fredericksburg nearly 20 years ago, I frequently heard the exclamation “please don’t tell me (s)he is from NORTHERN Virginia!?!” This mockery usually occurred over a keg of Wisconsin beer, a bottle of Kentucky bourbon, and some fine southern home grown. Yes, Bill, there most certainly is a distinction, but not for any of the merits a Northern Virginian will claim.
- a hillbilly Upstate New Yorker turned Southern Virginian
Dave
December 28th, 2007
This post made me laugh. I’m a native of Northern Virginia and tell anyone that asks I’m from Northern Virginia or the DC Area. When I was in school in the mid-west I’d say I was from Virginia and I’d get the “But you don’t have a southern accent” and various other questions about traditions and customs of the south that I know nothing about. You drive an hour south of here and start to enter another world — the pace slows, people are more polite, nascar becomes a sport, sweet tea can be found in every restaurant, … I don’t have anything against virginias from further south, but I don’t necessarily relate on many things.
Kelly
December 28th, 2007
No, we’re northern! After all, we were on the Union side in the Civil War. Well, okay, we were occupied by the Union army. But it still counts, right? And maybe I do have a Billy Bass, but it was a gift, so it doesn’t count, right? And we’ve got to be northerners, because we’ve got the traffic jams to prove it. Yeah, take that, you West Virginian yahoo. We’ve got bad traffic and you don’t, so we’re ever so much more sophisticated than you. So there!
And don’t forget: Virginia (NOT West Virginia, but the good state) has had more presidents than any other state. And that means sophistication - why, a president can’t be an ignorant boob…
I think I’ll go away now.
Dr Dzoe
December 29th, 2007
Holy crap, I’m still laughing … this is some of the best writing I’ve read on the intertubes in a while.
Funny, being from New Jersey (yeah, shut up you), I’ve always thought “Northern” Virginia was just Southern DC. Hell, anything south of Newark, NJ is considered “the south.” Viriginia (and that includes “Northern” Virginia) is “the Deep South.”
Every time I drive down Waxpool Road, I think I faintly hear that Deliverance music in the distance.
Dossy Shiobara
December 31st, 2007
This is sooo Funny! And, dead on target! I just moved from Fairfax, VA (Northern Virginia) and always made it clear that I was from Northern Virginia too. I’m a native New Yorker (Upstate, not Downstate, we have our “wars” as well), so the thought of admitting to living in the “South” was just too much to bear. I’ve told many people that Northern Virginia really was NOT part of the South anymore but part of the North since there were just so many damn Yankees there anyway. But, let’s face it - Fairfax and Arlington Virginia ARE part of the South and will for ever be part of the South. Like it or not, Damn Yankees. In Northern Virginia they have roads named after the “losing Generals” of the South (Lee-Jackson Highway), which amazed me at first when I got to NOVA. Why name a highway or road after a losing general on the losing side of a terrible war that the Southerners should be ashamed of? Well, the Southerners ARE NOT ashamed of their past. They are not ashamed of their brilliant Generals. They are proud of their past and they will let you know that in quick fashion.
I now live in North Carolina. The REAL South, or it is to me anyway. I admit, I do so love being away from my Northern Nasties. The local folk are gentle, kind and oh so pleasant to deal with. I don’t have to put up with “Attitude” like I did in NOVA or in NY. Being around nicer people makes me be nicer too. And that makes me feel better and happier. Just like the song, The South Will Rise Again - Well, the South HAS risen! And this New Yorker LOVES IT here in the South!!!
Viva la South! Wish those damn Yankee Carpetbaggers would stay the heck up in the North and not come down here and wreck it for the good Southern folk or the fed-up Northern folk who just want to be left alone and not have to fight over everything - from the parking space to the comma placement in a sentence - to anything and everything no matter what.
So, your assessment on Northern Virginia and West Virginia were right on target! I hate to admit it, but I too have made my share of West Virginia comments. And I also hated Maryland. I hated Maryland so much that I think I stepped foot in that state about 8 times in 25 years. Why go there??? I have no clue why there is such a division between Maryland and Virginia but I do know that if you live in Maryland you hate Virginia and if you live in Virginia you hate Maryland and the twain never meet. Why this is I just don’t know…
Keep writing!!! You are funny and so correct!!!!! Sharon Stapleton.
Sharon Stapleton
January 1st, 2008
Hey! I’m northern Virginian and I agree with you completely!!! I was born in Fairfax and raised in Loudoun County.
Most of the people here are from other parts of the country, like my grandparents came from Minnesota, NJ, CO and PA. Pure north. But I was born here, even if I have northern roots I still consider myself southern, like many other people from NOVA. We really do need to respect our southern brethren before they get too pissed off at us and then we’ll be completely broken off from any region in the US.
Jason
April 28th, 2008
I’ve lived in Maryland all my life and let’s face it Dr. Dzoe, the only reason the great State of Maryland didn’t go with the confederacy was because the Union Army was sitting outside the state house in Annapolis. We’re also south of the Mason-Dixon line, which makes us southern.
While NoVa isn’t a state in it’s own right, the whole DC suburbs area is out of place with the surrounding area in both states and both act and vote more like northern than southern states. That doesn’t change geography, unless you plan on bribing someone to make a map with our area taken out and mysteriously reappearing above the Mason-Dixon line.
That being said the problem most Marylanders have with Virginians is that they come into our state and drive funny. I know I do this too though when I go into an area of VA I don’t know but still, Virginia is an evil place full of bad drivers that never know where they’re going and at least when I’m confused and someone lets me in I always give them a thank you wave.
Ashley
May 8th, 2008
I really liked your post! I grew up in Loudoun County, and I consider myself a Southerner and a Virginian. My family has been in Virginia for generations- mostly in the Richmond area, and I also have ancestors from the Deeper South
But many people I knew in the area were from some place else, and would not even call themselves Virginians, let alone Southerners. Its really a shame they dont want to admit they live in the South. I know its the northern edge of Dixie, but its still South- and the history of Northern Virginia is culturally identical to Tidewater Virginia and the Carolinas.
Meade
May 11th, 2008